Language is changing, just not simply…

Language is not in a good way. Certain new elements of language are popping up and they’re becoming increasingly problematic as they grow. This is especially as they add next to nothing in linguistic terms. If you disregarded these issues before reading this piece, you’ll be pretty much guaranteed to notice them afterwards.


Number One: The Pointless Adjective. Fairly self-explanatory, but like any adjective it acts to describe. Fair enough. Using food and drink as an example here, whether you’re describing what you have just eaten as “delicious” or “vile”, that’s generally how normal adjectives serve their purpose correctly. But when the supermarket you buy said food from decides to make your mind up for you even before you purchase the items? That’s just a no-no. “Tantalisingly Refreshing Duck à l’Orange?”, “Horrendously Artery-Clogging Mature Cheddar?” Sounds, well, just lovely. Some among us may actually (willingly) be swayed into purchasing by these needless acts of time consuming nonsense, but I would preferably like to form my own opinion of what Tesbury’s and Adrose are offering me; if that suits you, Mr Corporate? I mean, we have even witnessed the humble Ready Salted Crisp become victim to being known as “Classically Ready Salted” by a certain firm represented by a large-eared retired footballer. How is this helping?!


Some linguist-types may well propose that, while the Pointless Adjective has no official place in language lore as yet, I’m fairly sure it won’t be long before this particular neologism is recognised fully. But maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, perhaps an extra adjective is Advertising’s attempt to try and get us to use more words again, as they probably know that a defamation of language is occurring right underneath our noses as much as we do. Utterances are generally getting shorter, with a larger use of word shortening measures such as initialism having a detrimental effect on eloquence among some; in the younger generations particularly. The formation of “Text Speak” can’t have helped too much, either.  There is no doubt that this more ‘clipped’ version of language is often more efficient than fully constructed sentences, seeing as we live in a linguistic universe that now has an acronym for near enough any situation. Maybe we’re too lazy to type/handwrite full words now. Maybe our minds are always on the next part of our day, rather than focussing on the current situation; meaning that less really is more. Or I’m just looking too deeply; one or the other. LOL, if you will. 


Number Two: Cele-Blending. Admittedly, the name itself is actually blending (or portmanteau, for the more official among us). Ironic, but the point still remains. You’re most likely to find Cele-Blending in glossy magazines or in a tabloid newspaper, so essentially wherever there’s a “Celebrity Gossip” page… Cele-Blending is more often than not used as an affectionate term for a celebrity couple that everyone will find ‘cute’. Think “Brangelina”, “Kimye”, “Robsten” and the like. This probably has pragmatic links to magazines feeling more ‘in touch’ with their readers by using universal Cele-Blending that everyone will know; possibly even endearing the celebrities involved indirectly. Nonetheless, it remains an inconvenience. Imagine if you were Cele-Blended as an individual without wanting to be, forever being known as “K-Stew”, “R-Patz” or “Sam-Cam”. I don’t think being called “Hen-Val” really suits me, do you? However, as many celebrities themselves irritate me too, let’s allow this one to slide. But don’t let it spread to the civilian world, if you can help it. It could turn into the whole country being blended in one form or another. So now and forever more we live in “G-Brit”…


Now, it wouldn’t surprise me if you hadn’t have heard of these features before. Hopefully, you haven’t, as I have just made them up (Unless the internet had invented them already, which is also likely! Please don’t sue me, I plead ignorance…) So they haven’t been recognised as official terms as yet. But I’m sure if we use them enough, the Oxford English Dictionary may have to sit up and take note. They usually do. If “Eurogeddon” and “Omnishambles” can get included, so can Cele-Blending. Your copy of the petition will arrive in the post…


I understand wholly that there’s nothing that most of us can actually do to stop language changing. And we shouldn’t. That wouldn’t help us develop at all. Language needs to change for it to reflect the age that we live in, and if it has to be this way, then so be it. But for future reference, if we could make language a bit simpler to understand without having to actually Google who “Speidi” are or read through how “Mature yet Mellow” the cheese I’m buying is; that’d be great. Much appreciated.


One thought on “Language is changing, just not simply…”

  1. Writing like this is what enspires me. i hope to take up a course in english language with the open university, but i dont know where to find it, any suggestions?

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